It’s OK to Get Mad
What feeds my focus?
I often have people say, “I don’t know how you do what you do?!?!” Instead of getting into a deep philosophical conversation about their view of who I am or the work that I do, I generally just kind of laugh it off and say something like, “A lot of meditation.” or “Yeah, I am un-reasonably optimistic.” or “Well, saving democracy is hard-work but someone has to do it.” or “We have a great team, I don’t do it alone. It takes all of us.” I simply spend a great deal of time focusing my attention and energy on things that feel good and that I have some sort of ability to influence. I actively avoid anything that feels bad or isn’t useful in some way. I don’t read the newspaper, watch the news, engage in debate with those who won’t ever change their mind, read or watch media that isn’t uplifting, play games that aren’t educational, fill my mind with useless facts, watch Ted Talks or youtube videos, pay attention to history. I work to the point of exhaustion each day, tell jokes, surround myself with awesome people doing awesome things, I stop to smell the flowers, I admire nature, I play with animals, I walk barefoot, I wear clothes that I feel awesome in, I listen to music that I can sing to. I focus on the one job I have given myself and put 100% of my energy, mental focus and heart into it. When all else fails I wear the highest heels I can stand in, wear something sparkly, go for a drive with the windows down and the music blaring, or stay in bed all day. Every once in awhile nothing works. I falter and lose focus.
Yesterday my answer to, “I don’t know how you do what you do?!?!” was, “Yeah, I really don’t either. Wonder what would happen if I just stopped?” So I stopped. I stopped focusing. Today I am angry. Just plain angry. Not for any particular reason and for every reason that pops into my head at the same time. I am always a bit surprised by this alien land of negativity and the intensity of my anger. When I let myself be mad everything I have actively been shutting out is there waiting for me. It is so easy. Anger takes no work at all. It flows so easily and is reinforced by every thought I have. It doesn’t take any special focus to think about ten things to be angry about that have happened in just the last 24 hours and every interaction I have feeds my anger. There are plenty of reasons to stay mad. I could let myself stay in this place and float off into oblivion. Each day would feel a little more comfortable. I could pull the anger around me and comfort myself in self-righteousness. I could look at all the many things humans do to each other to keep each other small and feeble. It would take no effort at all to stay in this place.
People have spent my whole life trying to convince me that being angry is okay. And they are totally right. It is okay to be angry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being angry. Anger is the natural reaction to fear. If anger motivates you to face your fears and attack your enemies then by all means stay angry. But I can’t. Anger makes me feel small and powerless. It doesn’t motivate me at all. When I am angry I forget all the goodness in the world.
So instead of sitting any longer in anger I will face my fears. And when I have twisted and turned each of my fears around like a rubix cube, I will inevitably get to the place I can’t logic my way out of the fear. I will have to accept that, while my actions may have a great deal of influence on my fellow human beings, we don’t have control over the outcome. No matter what the outcome looks like our world will continue to spin and we will adjust to the new realities of our daily lives.
The energy that created the planets and stars is what keeps this ball of Earth spinning and all of us practicing being human with each other. I call it God but you may have another name. The power created in community with each other is bigger than any of us and my purpose is to create connections and engage people with each other. So my friends, the answer to the question “I don’t know how you do what you do?!?!”, appears to be faith. Faith is how I wake up every day and take on the momentous task of saving democracy. And now I know. And now I can step out of my anger and back into the light to do the work that God has called me to do. And while I might be counting the days until the election comes… I know my work isn’t over then, it will have just begun. And that is the root of my fear, one which can never be solved and the cycle will hopefully continue. Waking up, doing the best I can, and starting all over again the next day. It is all about focus.
